Can a DIL/SIL truly become a Daughter or Son?

According to me this is the most sensitive topic everyone wants to talk about when it comes to Marriage. We have seen so many families, marriages, in-laws, parents, relatives, children, relationships, bonds, and emotions around us. We have also heard many people and elders talk about this in their day-to-day life. Especially if you are a girl, you are prepared for all this right after puberty. People around you will judge you if you are a wife material or not. From simple behavior to appearance, girls are always judges in whatever they do. This doesn’t happen with boys. For them, it’s all about money, job, business, goals, dreams, and family responsibilities. They are never thought about marriage, how to take care of their bride, how to behave with in-laws and what are his responsibilities after marriage. The relative and elders start talking to you about marriage life, how to behave with husband, how to serve in-laws, how-to talk to people, etc. But still this question of whether you can truly become a daughter or son in your in-law’s home comes to everyone’s mind whenever they think of a marriage. Sometimes the person who had already been married for more than 5, 10 or 20 years, keeps on questioning themselves if they can truly become a daughter or son to their in-laws or they will stay only as an important person in their in-law’s life as they are directly connected to their husbands/wives. I also had the same doubt till now. But now after some experience and research I finally found an answer to this repeated question of every man and woman.

The Harsh Truth: –

This can hurt a little to some people, but I want to be honest and tell the harsh truth of our society, our mindset, and how we treat other people.  We all are humans, and you have to accept that we all make mistakes. We all have a positive side and a negative side. Your whole life depends on how much you explore your positive side instead of negative side. It is not that you will never do any mistakes in life. It’s actually good when you make mistakes and they will happen no matter how much you try to avoid it and they make you learn what is right, wrong, and how to do it correctly. Just like this it doesn’t matter if you are a daughter-in-law/son-in-law or a real daughter/son as long as you show your positive side to others. There are no true relations in this world. All come with their own advantages and disadvantages. It is in our hands how we go along with them. Never trust any relation blindly. Because we are humans who are made with a mix of all types of emotions. And we don’t have the full control on our mind and heart. So, your blind trust should be only with your God. Other than that respect and be happy with whatever you got. Relationships are useful. They teach you so many life lessons. Your relationships with people should not be based on what they do for you, material gain or status, convenience, fear, control, popularity, or obligation. If these all come in between not only in-law’s relationships but all relationships that are very close to you will suffer. Instead, relationships should be based on mutual respect, trust, empathy, and shared values. If you have this in your relationship with others, no relation will feel like a burden to you. You will be calm and go along with everyone.

The in-laws Relationship: –

I know whenever we hear this word “in-laws”, we get a little bit scared. Especially girls. And that is true. Because in-laws behave like that. Only 1% of in-laws are good to their DIL/SIL with heart. Others do act or behave rudely. They think they are elders and can say or do anything with their daughters-in-law. However, times have changed now, and many brides are opening up on this and are learning to be firm, positive, and keep their self-respect above all. Sometimes, the in-laws are scared when they think of their children’s marriage. Because getting a good daughter-in-law or son-in-law has become a challenge nowadays. People are searching, enquiring, checking background, behavior, personality, and status of the girl or boy for their children’s marriage. If they see any red flags before or after accepting the proposals, they are simply calling it off, thinking this is not the right person for their child. Because nowadays, girls are also misusing the government laws for their own selfish reasons.

In India, there are many people who still believe that a bride should only stay along with their in-laws in their home and take care of the whole family. They have to do all the household work of 4 to 5 people from cooking, cleaning, washing, serving, respecting elders, listening to elders, taking advises from in-laws, and keeping them engaged. And she is judged based on this. If she does all this work, she is considered as a good wife or good daughter-in-law and if she is not able to do any one of these, she is called selfish, useless, ill-mannered, and lazy. And when in-laws shout at the daughter-in-law or son-in-law, everyone advises them not to take it seriously and think of it as your mother or father is correcting you. When parents correct you, they fight with you, and you also fight with them. But this cannot happen with in-laws. You cannot say a word when they are correcting you. If you do, you are judged as ill-mannered. When parents fight with you, they come back again with a glass of water or your favorite meal and try to console you or make you understand but with in-laws, we have to go and tell sorry to them though we didn’t tell anything or did anything wrong. Parents help you when you are sick, depressed, or not feeling well, but in-laws don’t bother at all. Since there is so much difference between these two relationships, you can never be a true daughter or son to your in-laws. Even if you do, they will never treat you as their own daughter or son. So, this gap persists lifelong. They may treat you nice or you may treat them nicely based on their behavior, but you can never truly become their daughter/son.

The Real Answer: –

Now, if you want a one-word answer to the above question, it is a strict NO and only 1% Yes. Very frankly speaking, a daughter-in-law or a Son-in-law can never truly be a daughter or son. Not legally, emotionally, or responsibly. Because legally, you were not born to your in-laws, emotionally you can never connect with them like your parents as no one can take your parents place, and responsibly you have to take care of your parents and family first when you have to choose between your parents and in-laws. But you can always be a good human being to them as they are elders and your spouse parents. You can behave with them like you behave with your parents. Because marriage is between two people and not two families. Now some people object to this as they think in their culture, marriage means it should involve both families too. And the new bride or groom should always listen and follow what their parents, in-laws, or elders say. This is true only to a limit. You cannot involve them in all your personal things with your partner. You have to maintain some boundaries after marriage.

Even after marriage, if couples need to follow or listen to their elders strictly, then what is the point of marrying or starting a new life with your partner or having children. And giving your parents the control of your spouse and children along with you. I know that elders don’t make their kids suffer or harm them. This doesn’t mean, they do everything right. They also do mistakes as they are also humans. And these mistakes will affect your family after marriage. You should take advise from them or involve them in certain decision-making things but never involve them completely in your personal or professional life. Because you know your partner and your job better than them as you live with them in the same house every day and do your work in your office. And after a certain age, you should be capable of taking some decisions, responsibilities on your own, and taking control of your emotions. If you depend on others for everything, you will never learn or know your partner or your kids truly. Thatswhy they say, a third person should not involve in the conflict between a couple. Until the couple comes to you by themselves for advice, you should not involve in their conflicts. Because they are couples, they fight, cry, apologize, and please each other all by themselves if they are matured enough. Because when two persons who are completely opposites, live together in the same house all day, conflicts will arise. And if your partner calls their parents right after the fight and involve them in it, they are making their partner lonely and depressed as the parents or in-laws support their child only not thinking of the mistakes they did. And that is natural. Because when something bad happens happen to the children, every parent rushes to help them or to make them feel happy.

Should families involve in Marriage?

This is true that families of both the partners matter a lot after marriage. Because they are the fuel to the engine. They keep on adding some positive or negative thoughts to their children about their partners or in-laws after marriage. They also give some good advises and sometimes bad advises. And we also cannot ignore it as they are our parents. But what you need to understand is that you know your partner and your kids better than them and you also know what is right and wrong. You may not be experienced as much as your parents or elders, but you have the ability to distinguish what is correct and what is wrong.  So, you have to be matured enough to take your own decisions by looking at the positive and negative side of your partner. Because you also have a brain and a heart that can make strong and powerful decisions and feel emotions. Your brain has the power to understand who is doing right and who is backbiting. Who really loves you and who uses you for their own selfish reasons. Because when two people marry, it isn’t just the union of two hearts — it’s the joining of two families, two traditions, and two different worlds. Your families come up with so many things in your marriage life, and you cannot ignore them completely. Just listen to them and take your own decisions which are good for you and your family.

When the relationship with in-laws becomes peaceful: – 

In many families, the term “in-law” feels like a line drawn by society — polite, but distant. It acknowledges connection without claiming closeness. But real relationships don’t grow from labels; they grow from shared lives, emotions, and moments of understanding. Over time, some bonds form so naturally that the word “in-law” simply fades away. A daughter-in-law becomes the person who checks in daily, who remembers birthdays, who brings laughter into the home. A son-in-law becomes the one who stands beside his wife’s parents, helping, listening, and caring like a true son would. That’s when a new kind of family begins — not bound by obligation or labels but built by love, care and trust.

Legally, when a son-in-law or daughter-in-law enters your life through marriage, there are no birth certificates or no adoption papers. Just a wedding, a promise, and a new connection. But emotionally, something deeper begins to grow. Family, at its core, is not just about who raised you. It’s about who shows up for you. It’s the person who celebrates your small victories, and who calls you just to ask, “How was your day?” When such gestures repeat over time, they create a rhythm — a sense of belonging that feels natural and safe. You stop seeing the person as “my child’s spouse” or my in-law and start seeing them as your own. And that’s how relationships evolve — quietly, organically, and beautifully. And many times, only daughters-in-laws do this. They call their in-laws, talk to them politely, respect them, help them, serve them, and cook for them. But still, they will be treated like a DIL only in their in-law’s home, not as a true daughter. In our Indian culture, daughters-in-law are told to call ma, Ammi, or mom to mother-in-law and baba, abba, or dad to father-in-law. But sons-in-law don’t call the bride’s parents as mom and dad. They call them aunty and uncle or mami and mama. So, I don’t understand this concept. When men cannot imagine or call ma and baba to the bride’s parents, then how can a bride start calling his parents as ma and baba right after marriage. Because we all know parents are the greatest gifts of God. And no one can replace them in this lifetime. We all know their sacrifices, pain, responsibilities, and effort they did to nurture us. And we suddenly give that respect and title to the groom’s parents whom we saw for the first time and who never did anything for us. We have to respect them, obey them, and understand them as a good human being. But you cannot make them your own parents as long as you have your parents alive according to me. Because no one can replace your parents, not even you grandparents, aunts, uncles, or siblings.

Accepting your in-laws or your DIL/SIL: –

Every new relationship begins with acceptance — and that’s especially true for in-laws. When a family welcomes a new member or when you go in a new home, it can come with excitement, but also uncertainty. Will we get along? Will they understand us? Will they love and respect our traditions? Acceptance doesn’t mean sameness — it means space. It’s saying, “You don’t have to be like us to belong here.” For parents, it’s learning to open their hearts and trust that this new person will love and care for their child. For the daughter-in-law or son-in-law, it’s understanding that joining a family means blending into its rhythm without losing your own identity. When both sides show empathy, patience, and a genuine willingness to understand each other, the relationship transforms. The home feels warmer. Conversations become easier. And gradually, what once felt formal turns into something beautifully familiar. We often hear inspiring stories of in-laws who grow into family over time: A mother-in-law who calls her daughter-in-law “my daughter,” not just in public but in her heart. A father-in-law who finds in his son-in-law the companion he can talk to, laugh with, and lean on. Families that once started as strangers, end up as one big, inseparable unit.

But these relationships don’t appear overnight. They are built through shared meals, mutual respect, gentle communication, and sometimes, through small acts of forgiveness after misunderstandings. It’s the quiet, everyday moments that build trust — cooking together, celebrating festivals, or simply sharing a conversation after a long day. Over time, love seeps in through the smallest cracks until one day you realize “This isn’t my daughter-in-law. This is like my daughter.” “This isn’t my son-in-law. This is like my son.” “This isn’t my mother-in-law. This is like my mother”. “This isn’t my father-in-law. This is like my father”. That’s how hearts rewrite relationships. Thatswhy in-laws say, “You are like my daughter or like my son”. They don’t say you are my daughter or son. There is so much difference between these two lines. Because they also know that no one can replace their children or be equal to their them. Because for them their children are unique and special compared to all other others.

Conclusion: –

I’ve often seen families where the daughter-in-law becomes the most caring daughter, and where a son-in-law fills the role of a son with quiet dignity. These relationships are proof that love doesn’t need to be born — it can be grown. But in some families, it is quiet opposite. If everything good happens after a bride comes to the in-law’s home, she is considered lucky and good. And if something bad happens to the in-law’s family after she comes home, people tell her she is unlucky and cursed. But a son-in-law is treated as a respected new son, a part of the family lineage. Even in Western cultures, where individuality is celebrated, modern families are recognizing that family is chosen as much as it is inherited. People build their own support systems and love often flows in directions that have nothing to do with biology. In every corner of the world, the message is the same. Real relationships are formed through empathy, not ancestry. So, can a daughter-in-law or son-in-law truly become a real daughter or son? Certainly NO, as you cannot imagine your in-laws in your parent’s place and a little Yes, when you try to treat your in-laws as your parents— when hearts are open, and when love replaces formality with familiarity.

It’s not about removing differences or expecting perfection. It’s about recognizing that family, in its truest form, is made up of people who choose to care for one another — who invest time, emotion, and patience to build something lasting. When respect turns into affection, and affection turns into belonging, the term “in–law” no longer fits. All that’s left is family. In the end, relationships thrive not on titles, but on tenderness. Blood may connect us by birth, but love connects us by choice. Whether you’re a parent welcoming someone new, or a newlywed learning to fit into another home — remember family is not something you inherit; it’s something you build. And sometimes, the most beautiful family members are the ones who didn’t start that way.

If you’re someone hoping to build that bond, begin with patience and respect. Listen more, judge less, and keep kindness at the center. Over time, you’ll see that what once felt like “two families” will start to feel like one. Because in the end, family isn’t what you’re born into — it’s what you nurture.